Counting the seconds
by Cadnobach
Summary: Third season Lucas fic for TheRealAbbey on her birthday. Complete short story. Happy Birthday!


For Teresa aka TheRealAbbey on her birthday. Hope you have a good day.

Unfortunately, I still don't own anyone - if I did you'd get a lot more than a fic for your birthday!

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**Counting the seconds.**

Lucas knew that he should be exhausted. He'd pulled a triple shift. It was the middle of the night – or at least the middle of the shift you had to think of as being night if you wanted to keep your sanity on a sub. He should want to sleep. He should need to sleep. He shouldn't be walking around the damn boat feeling sorry for himself.

His feet led the way to the moon-pool and his brain didn't bother to argue with them. He sat by the water and waited. Darwin would be there soon enough. He didn't need to use the vo-corder, the dolphin always knew when he was needed. Lucas pushed a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes knowing that he'd have to try to sleep at some point, but not yet able to face the prospect of another night staring at the ceiling for hours until sleep finally came.

Without thinking he looked at his watch. Big mistake. The calculations had become something of a habit now.

Twelve days, seven hours, thirty-four minutes and nineteen seconds.

Lucas wasn't sure when he'd started keeping count. As soon as he got back from Hyperion? Or was it after Bridger stopped answering his e-mails? When his friends started dieing? He wasn't sure. What Lucas did know, somewhere in the back of his mind, in the part of him that still clung to logic and clear thoughts like a lifejacket, is that it sure as hell wasn't something he'd done before Hyperion.

He hadn't even done it before seaQuest. Of course he hadn't known what he was missing then. Better to have loved and lost was stupid. But still, he couldn't wish those years with Bridger and Ben and all the others away. Not even when all the happy memories did now was hurt.

It wasn't something he'd ever really thought about - not when he was growing up. But that just made it even more stupid to spend so much time thinking about it now. A grown man acting like a little kid.

Lucas had thought about re-zeroing yesterday. But... no! He wouldn't be the sort of person who thought that someone crashing into him in the mess hall was valid. That was even worse than watching the seconds, minutes and days passing - Knowing that you've fallen so low that some guy who's late for his shift almost knocking you over had become the high point of your week. He had to hope for something better than that. It wasn't too much to expect from life, was it? Maybe it was.

No-one else knew about the counting, of course, Lucas had made sure of that. He was a soldier. He was a thirty year old man. But that just made it all the more pathetic. He was a thirty year old man with no-one.

That same logical bit of his brain told him that he couldn't keep blaming Hyperion for ever, not while the other crew were managing to rebuild their lives. Even Ford and Tim, the only other ones left from the original crew. Ford had reached out to Lonnie and even Tim had found some girl on the inter-nex. Lucas knew he was the only one who couldn't reach out to anyone – because there was no-one there for him to reach out too.

There was gentle splash as Darwin surfaced. The dolphin seemed to study him.

'Lucas sad?' the vo-corder translated.

There was no point in lying – Darwin could always tell.

'Yes, Darwin. Lucas sad.' Before the dolphin could ask anything more Lucas had a question of his own. 'Do you miss your pod, Darwin?'

'Lucas is Darwin's pod.'

'No, I mean other dolphins? Do you miss having contact with dolphins?'

Darwin said nothing, just waited.

'I do,' Lucas whispered.

'Lucas miss other dolphins?'

'No. Lucas misses other people,' Lucas said with a bitter smile.

'Lucas pod is big, lots of people.'

Lucas unconsciously ran his hand over the surface of the water in the moon-pool. More thinking out loud than talking he said, 'I never thought I would miss it, you know, contact. Someone touching you. Someone reaching out and patting you on the back, or just someone touching your arm to get your attention. Someone, somewhere, who thinks you're worth a hug. Someone acknowledging you're a person and not another cog in the wheel. Not just another good little soldier.'

Twelve days, seven hours, thirty-nine minutes and forty-three seconds without physical human contact.

Darwin dropped under the water and re-surfaced under Lucas's hand.

'Touch.' He said.

Lucas smiled and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling praying that the tears wouldn't fall. 'Thanks Darwin.' He managed to say it without his voice cracking.

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A figure stood at the back of the room, blocked from Lucas and Darwin's view by a bulkhead. Half turned to go; it hesitated not able to stop listening to what the young man said to the dolphin. 

A few minutes later, when Lucas stood up and was about to leave the moon pool, the uniformed figure walked out from his hiding place. Lucas scanned the shadows as he heard the movement. Damn. Who was it and, much more importantly, how much had they heard? The figure came out of the shadows and walked across to him.

Without saying anything the man awkwardly put his arms around Lucas and hugged him. Lucas stood for a moment not sure how to react. Then he couldn't resist any longer, he relaxed slightly and hugged the man back.

The other man stood there for several moments, not very sure what to do but somehow knowing that just being there was helping.

And then the moment was over.

They stepped away from each other at the same time, each one a little bit embarrassed and not quite willing to meet the other man's eyes.

Lucas felt the blush rise to his checks, 'Um, thanks,' there was nothing else he could think of to say.

The other man muttered something about him being welcome. They stood a few feet apart, Lucas studying his feet.

Finally the officer cleared his throat. 'Lucas?'

Oh, no. Here it comes, the 'everything is going to be OK' speech. All the old lies would be repeated. He forced himself to say, 'Yes?' and braced himself to nod and be polite while he heard the same from this man as he had from Ben, and Bridger, and Kristen and his father. You're special. I'll always be there for you. You don't have to go through this alone.

'If you ever tell anyone that I just hugged you I will make your life miserable in ways only an XO knows how.'

Lucas was so surprised he laughed out loud for the first time in weeks. It felt strange to laugh again – real genuine laughter. Still blushing slightly, Lucas looked up and saw the laughter reflected in Ford's eyes. He relaxed. There wouldn't be any 'are you sure you feel OK?' or anything like that. He'd had a problem. Ford had fixed it, job done.

Without saying anything else Ford walked away, but he turned at the hatch that led away from the moon-pool. 'Lucas?' he called.

Lucas looked up and knew that he had dropped his guard too soon. Ford was going to try to find something to say to make him feel better - As if anything anyone could say would make everything fine again.

When Commander Ford was sure he had Lucas' attention he began, 'I not saying this as an XO or an officer, I'm saying this as a fellow human being,'

'Yes, Commander,' Lucas said, forcing himself to keep his voice level and his tone polite.

'You _really_ do need to get your hair cut.'

Yes, Lucas thought as he was left alone with Darwin once more, it was good to laugh again.

THE END.

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My first attempt at a third season story. Not sure if it works. Let me know what you think. Reviews and criticism very welcome. The brief was a dark third season fic where Lucas gets a hug. 

Cadi.


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